


ain't no sunshine

by lavenderstars (pinktrixie)



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, post-12x24
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:28:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28022430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinktrixie/pseuds/lavenderstars
Summary: Callie finds herself sitting in the Seattle airport with Izzie Stevens and wondering about love and sacrifice and what it means to truly love someone.
Relationships: Arizona Robbins/Callie Torres
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	ain't no sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> title from bill withers' "ain't no sunshine" 
> 
> i don't own anything

Callie drummed her fingers against the plastic seat, her eyes fixed on her daughter who was working on a colouring book seated on the airport floor. Since she had picked her up from Arizona’s that morning, Sofia had barely spoken more than one-word answers and pouted the whole way through security. 

“Whatcha drawing, Sof?” 

“Picture for Mommy.” 

“Can I see?” 

“No.”

“Sofia…”

“It’s for Mommy, not you.” Sofia shifted her small body slightly so her work was obscured. “I’m going to send her a picture every day. D’you think she’d like that?” Sofia glanced over her shoulder, and God, if she didn’t look like Arizona at that moment. Strangers always commented on how much Sofia looked like her, but all Callie could see was the way she smiled like Mark or all of the facial expressions she had picked up on from Arizona, even the cadence of her voice. 

Swallowing back the lump in her throat, Callie nodded. “Yeah, I think she’d love that.” 

“Good,” Sofia hummed, focusing back on her work, “She said that my drawings always help her not feel sad and she kept crying so much, Mama. I could hear her when she thought I was sleepin’. She cried a lot last night.” Callie chewed on the inside of her cheek at the thought of her ex-wife crying so much their seven-year-old had noticed. Arizona hated crying almost as much as Callie hated seeing her cry. 

She should be happier. She was going to see Penny, the woman she loved. She got to take Sofia with her and go off to New York. Arizona had said Sofia needed two happy moms, but then why was she crying so much? 

“Call-er, Dr Torres?” 

Callie’s head snapped up. Sofia glanced up too but decided that her drawing was much more interesting than the blonde lady in front of her. 

“Stevens,” Callie finally said, her voice gruffer than she intended. Her grudge against Izzie Stevens died out long ago, sometime after her cancer diagnosis. That didn’t mean her sudden appearance didn’t stir up old wounds when she was already feeling delicate. “What are you doing here?” 

Izzie shifted on her feet, looking distinctly uncomfortable before settling in the seat across from Callie. “I was up in Chehalis visiting my mom for the weekend. Now I’m headed back to Kansas.” She gestured towards the gate behind her declaring it was bound for Kansas City. 

“Kansas?” 

“Yeah, surgical oncology. How about you? Taking some vacation?” 

Callie fought the urge to pinch herself. How had she ended up in an airport making small talk with Izzie Stevens of all people? “Er, no, me and my daughter are moving to New York.” 

“Oh, really? That’s great. I, uh, I saw your TED talk a while ago. It was really fascinating.” 

“Thanks, I guess.” Callie glanced down at Sofia again. Normally, her daughter was all too happy to chat with anyone, a trait she had certainly picked up from Arizona. But it seemed in her agitation over moving to New York, Sofia wouldn’t be bailing her out of this conversation from hell. “Look, Stevens, I-” 

“Delta Flight 320 to JFK has been delayed due to adverse weather. We will shortly have more information. Thank you for your patience.” 

“Delta Flight 2007 to Kansas City International has been temporarily delayed due to weather conditions. We’ll try to get an update out as soon as possible. Hang tight, folks.” 

Callie groaned, tossing her head back and pinching the bridge of her nose. “Of course. Sofia, it looks like we’re gonna be stuck here for a little while longer.” 

Sofia twisted from her spot on the floor, her dark eyes bright. “Staying in Seattle? So I can see Mommy?” Her voice was so full of hope it tore at Callie’s heart. 

“No, sweetheart, just at the airport. Then we’ll be in New York.” 

“Okay, whatever,” Sofia grumbled, turning her back to her mother. 

“Mommy?” Stevens asked, one eyebrow lifting. “Last I knew you were dating that peds surgeon.” 

Callie nodded wearily. Last time Stevens was around, she and Arizona had been falling in love and blissfully happy. “Yeah, Arizona Robbins. We had a kid, got married, got divorced. You know how it is.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

A few years ago, Callie might have punched Stevens for that soft pitying tone. “Funny, isn’t it? Now I’m a double divorcee.” Stevens winced at that, having the good grace to at least look guilty for her role in Callie’s first marriage. 

“Well, I divorced Alex and left him with a couple thousand dollars of medical bills, so I’m not doing much better. And I’ve been engaged three times, one guy died, one I left and the other turned out to be gay if that makes you feel any better.” 

Callie let out a bark of a laugh at that. Somehow, knowing perfect, pretty Izzie Stevens’ love life was at least as much of a disaster over the past few years was a mild consolation. “Wow, you sure do know how to pick them, Stevens. Gay men, married men and dead men.” 

Stevens chuckled at that, relaxing back into her chair slightly. “I am sorry about everything that happened with George. We were young and stupid, but that doesn’t excuse what we did to you. I don’t know if I ever really apologized. So I’m sorry. I know that it’s probably years too late,” Stevens trailed off as if she wasn’t sure what else to say. 

In a show of pity, Callie cut in, “I appreciate that. George and I...well, we were young and stupid too.” Callie flashed a half-grin at the woman who she had wished dead once upon a time, willing to offer her some degree of penance. “I miss George sometimes. He would have been such a good surgeon.” 

Stevens nodded, her dark eyes misty. “Me too. Every so often, I’ll have a case or a patient or a surgery and I’ll turn to tell him about it and he’s not there. And it hurts all over again. But then I remember that I’m doing what he would’ve wanted me to do, saving lives, helping people. And it helps a bit. I don’t know if I really could’ve stayed at Seattle Grace for much longer, even if I hadn’t gotten fired. He was always there with me.” 

“You two were attached at the hip,” Callie laughed as memories of George surfaced. Her feelings of resentment towards George O’Malley had long ago dissipated, leaving only the slight pain of grief over his death. 

Izzie smiled half-heartedly. “I think I would have had a hard time continuing there without him for too long. I spoke with Cristina not too long ago briefly at a conference and she called it Seattle Grace Mercy Death. I realize a lot has happened since I was there, but I have to say, most of my memories with that place are death. Denny, George, me. I mean, God, I literally died there.” She shook her head, displacing blonde curls that Callie couldn’t help but associate with her ex-wife. 

“You and Yang still speak? I didn’t think you kept in touch with any of them.” 

Izzie shrugged one shoulder. “I’ve gotten a few Christmas cards from Meredith, and the odd email. Alex and I… we said our goodbyes a long time ago.” The almost wistful look on Izzie’s face tugged at Callie’s heart. 

“Do you regret it? Leaving?” One of Callie’s hands drifted to Sofia’s head, brushing over the braids Arizona had given her. 

Izzie hesitated for a moment. “I regret the way I left. I hurt a lot of people, people I loved. I don’t regret not coming back to Seattle Grace. But sometimes, I wonder. I wonder if I didn’t try hard enough to save my relationship with Alex. I blamed him for a lot of things, some of which were his fault, but I wasn’t innocent either. The last time we spoke, Alex said he deserved better, that he deserved to be happy and I wasn’t making him happy, I couldn’t make him happy then. But I do wonder sometimes, if maybe, in a different time or place, we could’ve made it work because I did love him, I loved Alex Karev for a long time. We had a storybook kind of story, like the kind you want to tell your grandkids about. But I’ve come to realize that a huge part of loving someone is being willing to sacrifice anything to make them happy and back then, I couldn’t do that for Alex. I couldn’t be the person he deserved, so I am glad that I walked away when I did.” Izzie’s cheeks flushed as she realized she had been rambling. For a moment, Callie could see why George had fallen into lust or love or whatever with her. Even in the crappy airport lighting, Izzie Stevens was a beautiful woman. 

But Callie found herself stuck on what Izzie had said about being willing to sacrifice anything for the person you love. For Izzie and Alex, that had meant going their separate ways, because Alex did deserve better than a wife who wasn’t there. 

And what was a bigger sacrifice than letting your child move across the country for a year? 

Callie’s mouth was moving before her mind caught up with it. “Do you think that you and Alex could’ve found your way back to each other? That you loved each other enough?” 

Izzie’s brow furrowed. “I don’t know if Alex and I ever really loved each other enough to make the necessary sacrifices. Like I said, maybe in a different time and place. Don’t you ever wonder about you and your ex-wife?”

What she wanted to say was no, no she was happy now, she had moved on. But what came out of her mouth was, “Yeah, I do.” 

By then, Izzie was almost just background noise to the airport. Callie’s mind was overflowing with thoughts of Penny and New York and the look in Arizona’s eyes as she watched Callie and Sofia leave. Would she one day be sitting in another airport regretting that she had walked away from Seattle? That she hurt people she cared about? 

And how could she reconcile Arizona’s willingness to sacrifice her own happiness for Callie’s, if it wasn’t born of love? And not just a passive, old love, but something more? How could she ignore that and move across the country? 

“Oh my god,” she whispered, more to herself than anyone else. 

“Dr Torres?” Stevens asked, almost nervously. If she had been paying more attention, she might have been half pleased that the other woman was still slightly afraid of her. 

“Sofia, pack your bag, we need to go.” Sofia looked at her strangely but dutifully slid her things into her butterfly backpack.

“Er, Dr Torres, I don’t think any planes are going anywhere,” Stevens interjected, motioning to the flashing delayed signs at the gates. 

Callie shot Stevens a bright grin, a feeling of purpose and clarity settling over her for the first time in ages. “We’re not going on a plane. Thank you, Stevens, really. You may have ruined one marriage, but maybe you’ve just helped save the other.” As Stevens gave her a look that could only be described as baffled, Callie pulled out a card from her wallet. “Give me a call if there’s ever anything I can help with. Good luck with everything. Sofia, we have to go.” Callie offered a hand to her daughter, who took it warily and tugged her back towards security, leaving behind a shellshocked Izzie Stevens. 

“Mama? Are we not going to New York anymore?” Sofia asked, nearly jogging to keep up with Callie’s pace. 

“I need to talk to Mommy first.” 

“Why?” 

“Because I need to ask her a question.” 

“What question?” 

“An important one.” 

Sofia let out a huff and Callie could practically hear the pout as she asked, “What question, Mama?” 

“One about love.” 

xx 

After nearly an hour of navigating through a torrential downpour, Callie found herself parked outside of Arizona’s place in a rental car after dropping Sofia at a very surprised Meredith’s. She almost wished she had taken Meredith up on her offer of tequila to steel her nerves. But she knew she needed to do this sober, or else she might say or do something she regretted. 

Inhaling and exhaling slowly a few times, Callie nodded to herself in the mirror before throwing herself out into the rain. She all but sprinted to the door in an effort to save herself, but it was a lost cause. 

Hair plastered to her face as she hid beneath the slight outcropping over the door, she rang the doorbell, once, twice, three times in rapid succession. 

“Alex, I swear I’m….” Arizona trailed off as she held the door open and stared at her ex-wife. Callie swallowed hard as she took in Arizona’s red, puffy eyes, clearly from a day of crying and the overall defeated hunch of her shoulders, noticeable even beneath a sweatshirt that Callie knew was Tim’s. How had she missed this? The pain that Arizona was putting herself through for Callie’s sake. “Callie, what…?” 

For a moment, Callie is back in Mark’s place, staring at Arizona in the hallway, and words just fall from her lips, “Okay, so picture this, I’m sitting in the airport and Sofia won’t even talk to me and I’m supposedly doing this amazing thing for the woman I love,” Arizona winced almost imperceptively, but Callie had spent years watching her, “and I should be happy. I should be ecstatic. But I feel like something’s not right and then I’m talking to Izzie freakin’ Stevens about love and sacrifice and she asked me if I ever thought about if we could find our way back to each other and if love was enough and I want to say no, because it’s been years and I’ve moved on,” again, Arizona shrunk back from her, her knuckles white around the door, “but what comes out is yes. And I realized that you sacrificed your own happiness for mine and you don’t just do that for anyone. You could only do that for someone you loved, like really, truly loved, so I need to know, Arizona, do you still love me?” 

Arizona inhaled sharply, silent tears slipping down her cheeks. “Callie, you’re supposed to be on a plane to New York. And where is Sofia? She shouldn’t be out in the rain.” 

“She’s at Mer’s. You didn’t answer my question. Do you still love me?” 

Arizona’s mouth fell open as she leaned against the door frame for balance. “I...I… Callie, don’t do this, please, I am begging you, don’t do this.” 

“Arizona, I need to know.” 

“Please, just go to New York and be happy. That’s what I want.” 

“Then why have you been crying all day?” 

“I have not,” but her voice was weak and her eyes betrayed her. 

“You’re forgetting that I know you better than anyone.” Callie reached out to brush away an errant curl but caught herself at the pained look in Arizona’s eyes. “Please, Arizona…”

“What do you want me to say, Callie?” Arizona snarled, anger overtaking grief in a moment. “Why are you doing this? Have I not suffered enough for you? Have I not paid the price for how much of a fuckup, how much of a slut I am? You won, don’t you get it? You win. I can’t do this with you anymore. You won, you get Sofia and you can go be happy and I’ll be here, alone and miserable, but I’ll be okay because I’ll know that you’re happy and that’s enough for me now. I don’t need to be happy, but I need you to be happy. So please, go, be happy. That’s all I want.” 

Callie’s jaw tightened as her mind slipped back to another time when Arizona had pleaded with her to be happy before turning her back on her and going to Africa. 

“But what if I can’t?” 

Exhaustion seeped off of Arizona as she stared at Callie, desperate for her to understand. “Callie, my heart can’t take this. I can’t put myself through this.” 

“Then answer my question, do you still love me?” 

Arizona closed her eyes for a long moment. When she opened them, Callie’s breath caught in her chest. “Of course, I do, Callie. I’ll always love you. You’re it for me, but I’m not it for you. You deserve so much more. And maybe one day, it won’t hurt so badly, but right now, today, it’s like I ripped my own heart out and let you fly it across the country. So please, Callie, just leave.” Arizona turned to leave, letting the door swing shut behind her. 

Callie caught it and moved inside, catching Arizona off-guard. “Arizona, wait.” 

Arizona twisted on her heel, throwing her arms up in frustration. “God damn it, Callie. Leave me alone.” 

“I can’t.” 

“Callie-” 

“I can’t because I love you and I always have and I always will.” 

Arizona raked a hand through her hair before saying, “Callie, you have proven time and time again in the past month alone that you don’t, so I am literally begging you to stop.” 

Callie took another step closer to Arizona until they were just inches away. “I still love you, Arizona Robbins. I am still  _ in  _ love with you.” At this, tears spilt over Arizona’s cheeks as she shook her head. Callie gently cupped one of her cheeks, stilling her head. “I tried so hard not to, but I can’t stop loving you. And I can’t go to New York. You said you ripped out your heart, well, I lost mine to you ages ago in a dirty bar bathroom and I don’t want it back.” 

“Callie….” 

“I sat in that terminal and all I could think about was you and how sad you looked and how much that hurt and how angry Sofia was. And I want to fix this.” 

“I don’t know what there is to fix, Callie. Some things, they’re just too broken.” 

Callie leaned forward until their foreheads were touching, breathing in the distinctive scent of Arizona’s freesia perfume and lavender shampoo. It smelled like home. “It’s a good thing then that I fix broken things for a living, isn’t it?”

**Author's Note:**

> yay insomnia i guess? 
> 
> funnily enough i actually really can't stand izzie, but here we are. (and i think the way alex left was bullshit, but whatever...) 
> 
> there might be a follow up idk I just wanna sleep at this point 
> 
> find me on tumblr at avasharpest 
> 
> much love


End file.
